4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Two words: blizzard sex
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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