Jerry, you need to find god
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
