In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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