Someone shit on the floor
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
