just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
