I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
