Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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