Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
