i think i have herpe
just one?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
