Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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