Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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