so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
