I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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