he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
