So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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