Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
