Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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