If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
