There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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