i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
