Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize