I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
