things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
