i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
