Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize