it was like his penis was on wheels.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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