We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
