Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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