We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
