I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
