im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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