We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
