when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
