Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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