He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
