I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
