I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
