Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
