i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
