Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
