When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
