Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize