I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
