You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The best revenge is premature balding
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
