You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
