Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
