How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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