i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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