Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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