My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize