Sponge bath it is.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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