i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
