I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
