I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
