look no pants
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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