I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
