I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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