Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I touched a dick in church today
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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