is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
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