just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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