I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
