My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
