a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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