and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
