my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
